The Greatest Adventures of James
by I Am SUCH an Ass
Summary: In a stunning turn of events, three men named James come together to defeat a mighty evil that plans to rule the world. James Bond, James Sunderland and James of Team Rocket must face off against Claudia, Pyramid Head, Digimon and Russia as they band toge


James ofTeam Rockethas lip gloss, you know.

It's cherry flavored.

James Sunderland wanted to borrow some but James likes it too much. It cost him five dollars. So he gave him the glitter lip gloss instead.

James Bond was perturbed at how gay people were making his first name seem, so he set of on a mission to make a movie of himself blowing up Russia and sleeping with women.

Mary Shepard was upset at this because she had mistaken James Bond for James Sunderland because they were still in high school, and fell in love with Bond and had an affair. But he gave her AIDS because he slept with so many women. Then later she got married to James Sunderland hoping he would do that trick with the spring coil again but he never did, and she got sick from stuff that AIDS makes you sick from. James Sunderland was very sad. James gave him a Pikachu pillow as a sorry present but he just killed Mary with it.

This is why there are no Pokémon in Silent Hill.

It would be scary if there was a girl named Mary in a James Bond movie. That would make me right.

Especially if it was that Russian one.

If not then she got AIDS from phone sex.

But she had to be excluded from the movie because of the phone bill.

Meanwhile, Giovanni was trying to smuggle Pokémon through Russia. Since Russia is communist they don't believe in Pokémon, since Pokémon have trainers and that makes them belong to one person. Russia believes that Pokémon should all belong to everyone.

James Sunderland was sad. This meant that if Russia won, they'd take away his Gameboy and he'd never play Pokémon again.

James of Team Rocket was also sad. This meant that if Russia won, he'd have to become a porn star for badfics.

James Bond could've cared less 'cuz Russian girls are hot.

Then Digimon was released and they flew out of Lennin's computer and took over Russia. Lennin was sad because he was a dictator but now he was just a dic.

James of Team Rocket felt threatened because he knew that if Pokémon and Digimon ever came together he'd have to be in a fic with Takeru and that's just WRONG so he set off on a quest to put Digimon back in the internet.

But the evil Pyramid Head was the King of Porn and he raped things so he didn't want Digimon to be sent back because if Digimon was sent back he wouldn't be able to use James and James is a bishie and you know what you do with bishies.

Jesse meanwhile was failing neglected and vowed to destroy Pyramid Head because his head was redder than hers.

But Pyramid Head lives in Silent Hill and Pokémon aren't allowed in Silent Hill because things can't get raped in little kid shows. So they asked James to get rid of Pyramid Head but he was having problems because Pyramid Head flushed his Prozac so now he was shooting puppies.

And ever since his wife died he'd been very depressed.

Unfortunately Henry already got the House of His Dreams but it was haunted and had a dead cat in the fridge.

He needed to get rid of the cat but Walter kept trying to kill him whenever he tried to take it out of the fridge. "NO, IT'S MY KITTY!" he kept screaming as he shot round after round into Henry but Henry wouldn't die cuz he had lots of hit points and plenty of Health Drinks.

So Henry asked Frank Sunderland for help but since he was dead he kept saying cryptic things like "Tell my son to go hurry and kill the Pyramid Thing please it keeps humping my bed."

So Henry built a time machine and biked to Silent Hill to find James, who was digging through a toilet. Then James pulled out a wallet and Henry was like "Hey, that's MY wallet!" and took it. Then Eddie came in after Henry left and he was like "Dude c'mon I want bacon! At least give me money for some pizza." But James didn't have none and his arm was covered in poo from sticking it in a toilet so Eddie ran to Henry's apartment and ate the dead cat from his refrigerator and exploded cuz it was a ghost cat and eating ghost cats is bad for your colon.

So now that Eddie was exploded James had no choice but to defeat Pyramid head. But then he locked himself in the closet and had to be rescued by the Fellowship of the Ring. They had to explain to James that the Straightjackets were actually Goth Punk Raver Orcs and that they were on a quest to destroy the One Ring in the fiery pits of Mordor which was actually on the border of Silent Hill and Russia which is why they had to go through the amusement park.

And James said "if you want to go through the amusement park ask Heather" but Heather was in Hell at the moment and Hell was made of pizza.

But then James noticed that his Gameboy was missing because Pyramid Head stole it! and so he was mad and went off to get Pyramid Head.

But Pyramid Head was using the Gameboy to control Pokémon and used them to infiltrate Cuba to get weapons so that they could invade Russia and fight the Digimon where badfics would be made and Pyramid Head would be King of the Word and Porn.

Giovanni was angry because Pyramid Head also made him wear lipstick.

But little did anyone know that Hobbits are actually Russian and from deep beneath the Russian snow they called the White House and demanded that James Bond come and help them so the White House called England and they sent James Bond right over.

He was in a helicopter.

But the Digimon were very persistant because they had the power of Intel on their side and were taking over Microsoft to infiltrate the enemy forces and spam them to death.

But James Bond is a spy and that means he can do anything like cartwheels so he got past the Digimon forces and came face to face with their leaders Vincent and Claudia. And he was like "stop right there" and Claudia was like "no" and James Bond fought Valtiel but he lost and was thrown into the Great Lakes.

And everyone was like "oh no what do we do we can't asked James for help because he's stupid and we can't ask James for help because he's gay and we can't ask Henry because Eileen got turned into Sun Chips" but then Heather came out of Hell on an elevator and she was like "hey you guys" and gave everyone Hell pizza and they all threw up.

And Sauron was like "nooooo I've been defeated" and melted into a puddle but his magical contraceptor remained and Heather was like "dude" and swallowed it and Frodo was very proud when she threw up the baby.

And Claudia was like "oh my god fetus!" and ate the baby but then God ate her and that kind of sucked for her and it made a big hole and Frodo jumped down the hole and was like "I must destroy the Ring!" but God was Gollum and Gollum wanted his precious real bad and bit Frodo's finger off and ate the ring, but even God didn't know that he was also the fiery pits of Mordor and so he exploded and the war ended and Lennin was still a dic. And Pyramid Head was just like "well screw this" and stabbed himself in the chin and died. And the Digimon were freed from their evil curse and were allowed to live in harmony with Pokémon and Vincent was like "I'm getting paid for this right?" but became a ghost and stabbed him so now they're both ghosts in Silent Hill. But James of Team Rocket got his lipstick back and everyone lived happily ever after except for James Bond cuz he was still in the Great Lakes. The end.

A/N: If any of you thought this was serious, I'll have to hit you.


End file.
